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I’m Sorry, But I’m a Mom First…

Posted by in Amazing People, INSPIRATION | 4 comments

I’m Sorry, But I’m a Mom First…

Salutations Everyone!

How have you guys been? I’ve been uber-busy, trying to survive this thing they call life…

I kind want to say some things, kind of get some things off of my chest… This post is going to be all over the place, because that’s exactly how I feel right now…

EVERYONE knows by now, that I had my first child at 16 years old… Ever since I had my first child, I have been a “Mom”… I stopped being a good friend, and I stopped being a good girlfriend, and I want to just say “sorry,” but I can’t… My “sorry” has to be followed by a “but”…

I’m sorry that I am not a good friend, or an awesome girlfriend… But my children need me… Becoming a mom is one of the biggest “oaths”/ the most seriously binding “contract” that I have ever committed to. I am committed… I am honored that the Lord chose me to be Kiara and Taneia’s mom, because they are awesome children, and I’m committed to ALWAYS being their mom.

I try to figure out how to balance everything, because they say “balance is healthy”, but I don’t know how to manage…

In between choosing schools, taking the kids to school, picking them up from school, doing homework with the children, scheduling appointments for my children, going to appointments, being on committees in their school, taking them to extra-curricular sports, carpooling,  cooking dinner, making lunches, cleaning the house, working more than one job, trying to finish my MA, etc. where do I find time to be an awesome friend or fantastic girlfriend?

My friends ask me to go out, and I want to have fun and go; I get my outfit put together, decide how I’m going to do my makeup, which purse I’m going to wear etc. but when time comes to go out, I’m exhausted… I’m physically exhausted, and would prefer to just rest… Because although it is the weekend, and one should “turn up” when the weekend comes around, I’m a single mother, I  know that Monday is around the corner and it’s back to:

Taking the children to school, doing homework, scheduling appointments for my children, going to appointments, being on committees in their school, taking them to extra-curricular sports, car pooling, cooking dinner, making lunches, cleaning the house, working more than one job, trying to finish my MA…

Mommies, does this sound familiar to you? And the thought of not having enough energy to do all of these things is scary, because you have no choice but to do these things… Your children count on you and only you…So you make the decision to ignore the urge to be a normal girl in her thirties, because it’s just easier… And you don’t make this decision based on a hunch, you’ve TRIED to be normal, and have partied like a rockstar with your friends… But holy crap, you paid for it… And when Monday showed up, in what seems like 3 hours later, instead of 2 days later; you were exhausted, and you didn’t have the energy to:

Take the children to school, do homework, schedule appointments for my children, go to appointments, be on committees in their school, take them to extra-curricular sports, carpool, cook dinner, make lunches, clean the house, work more than one job, and try to finish my MA…

But you had to pull some energy out of your ass, or some other black hole, that you never knew existed, because you had no choice… And you felt SHITTY all week… You felt like you were literally beaten up, ran over by a train, and then ran a marathon across the world… But you couldn’t just “call in sick” to your job as a mom, or “write off” some days because you didn’t have the energy, because when you’re a mom, you have no choice… You have no choice but to wake up everyday and take care of your duties as a mother… Yes, you can not go into work, but you can’t NOT be a mom. So this experience is what truly haunts you when you opt to not “turn up” with your friends.

Then you have this boyfriend (not the father of your children, because he chose to be with some other chick WITHOUT children, because clearly she’s more fun than you and your excessive “mommyness” LMAO), who you think is awesome, and you want to be everything that he desires and more; you want to be super sexy, super smart, super fun, and super-spontaneous… But all that is on your mind is…

Taking the children to school, doing homework, scheduling appointments for my children, going to appointments, being on committees in their school, taking them to extra-curricular sports, car pooling, cooking dinner, making lunches, cleaning the house, working more than one job, trying to finish my MA…

So, without even consciously making a decision, you opt to losing a healthy relationship, and subconsciously choose to be alone…

People tell me, that I have to find time for myself, do adult things, and  do things that will make me happy, but I’m having a hard time doing this, because the reality is, I’m only happy when my children are happy… And in my life, there isn’t enough time to…

Take the children to school, do homework, schedule appointments for my children, go to appointments, be on committees in their school, take them to extra-curricular sports, carpool, cook dinner, make lunches, clean the house, work more than one job, and try to finish my MA…

And do other adult things… Because for me, my children’s happiness, comfort and well-being comes first.

In life, your children will have many friends, aunts, uncles, cousins etc; but they will only have one set of parents… I’m the only mother they will ever have, so it is my duty to be a MOM! Not just a mother, not just a woman who carried them for 9 months, and that’s it; I have to be their mom. My mom is still there for me, and still fusses over me, so why should my daughters receive anything less?

I look at some mothers, and can’t understand how they put so many things in front of their children… It’s almost like they were simply surrogate mothers; they carried the children and left them to be raised by the universe. How can they do this? I can’t do this…These children didn’t ask to be here, so I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure that they are more than happy.

My children won’t be young forever; for heaven’s sake, my eldest daughter is going to be 17 years old, she’s starting to drive and she is going to college next year. So, while they are still young, and NEED me, I’m going to be here, running around like a chicken with its head cut off, and I’m going to set a good example for them, and lay a strong foundation for them, because before I know it, they will be adults, have their own families, and they will have to:

Take their children to school, do homework, schedule appointments for their children, go to appointments, be on committees in their children’s school, take them to extra-curricular sports, carpool, cook dinner, make lunches, clean the house, work more than one job, and further their education etc….

So for now, I’m a shitty friend, and a shitty girlfriend, but I am PROUD to say that I’m an AWESOME mom…

Yes, I may end up being a lonely cat lady, but that is a risk that I’m willing to take, because I’m a mom first…I am committed to being a mom. And being a good mom is the most rewarding challenge I will ever do in my life…

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4 Comments

  1. Who says you are a shitty friend? I think you are an awesome mom and an amazing bestie! I have never felt that you were crappy friend to me. I have always told you that I admire the great mom you are and you are a perfect role model for them and you definitely were to me! I think you are doing a stand up job at mommying… hence why i made you God-mommy to my babies! I love you!

    • You always know how to bring tears to my eyes Atiya… That’s why you are my best friend; God is good to me… It is people like you who strengthen me and make me proud of the decisions that I have made. I love you more!

      • Love you more! God is so good!

  2. Here here, the reward is raising amazing kids.

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